When

When will we be united,

when will our souls stop feeling the loss of you,

when will you recognize that its time for you to stand up for us

when will you stop being apart of what hurts us

When will you see that together we are better than apart

when will we stop shedding tears because you keep messing with our hearts

When will we not need to be strong

When will we be able to unlaod some of the burdens

When will we be able to not demand better, but experience it

When will you recognize that we are a reflection of each other, that if you’re broken then we are also

When will we be able to recieve full comfort and support from you with all that we face

When will we recover our value and our grace

Recognizing that we are together in this space

Fighting together for the upliftment of our race

We need you, we need you to stop being part of  the reason we are broken

we need you to see each of us, whether you know us or not

as a sister, a mother or daughter – and want the best for us

We need you to get away from the promiscuity,

This was taught to you to break our family

we need our daughters and sons to see

the reflection of what our creator meant things to be

the black man together with a black woman, like yin and yan

working together, not in competition.

Let your black woman help you and show you support

Let us love you and be your mate

that’s how we started out black man

and even though it may seem so, I dont think its too late

But everytime I am hurt by another one of you

I cant help but lose faith

But I dont want it to be, black man

Because I know that there is none like you and they were wrong

I know the struggles you’ve had to bare, and I know you are strong

but the same struggles are what we share, so allow us to be there

We need each other, cause together is the only way we can answer

When?

Let when be now.

 

 

All the Damage is already done

“You don’t have to say your sorry
for all the wrongs that you have done
I don’t want to hear sad story
for the damage is already done”
credit: Anthony B

I was gonna name this post Glass House. But, in most cases, a glass house is something that you build for yourself, however in my case, the pieces of my soul that constantly shatter was not something that I chose but what was chosen or rather forced on me.  Just when I think that I have triumphed and climbed out of the shadows of a dismal life, suddenly there is this one pebble which I never usually see coming, and I am left picking up the pieces days later.

I suddenly find my self reliving the insults, the wounds, the pain, the emotional and social degradation, and the overall crippling feeling that this will never end.
I fought for it to end. I diligently waited the time and I did what I needed to.  The thing about this kind of hurt, I realize, is that though the circumstances have changed and I am no longer shackled in physical chains and having to face belittlement everyday, the emotional scars never heal. They simply morph into an invisible chattel that will control me for the rest of my life.

Anyway, I was telling a friend that I haven’t written a blog post in ages and I think that its because I have been so happy lately . I am just not in that dismal state of mind that seems to spark my creativity. So I thought, why not write about being happy and encourage others to live for the day and be happy as well? But I’m no longer high on happiness because the ghosts from childhood past has reared their ugly heads again. This time, they came to remind me that I will never be able to honestly share who I am with anyone.

The gory details of my life will ultimately traumatize anyone who I share them with. Which means their impression of the person I am will change.  The years  I spent  building a strong character will be diminished  into a vulnerable, disadvantaged child. Basically, my life puts people in an awkward position, just like it has put me in an awkward position and will continue to be awkward for the rest of my life.

Its not fair that I have to carry this burden, but its also not fair to unleash it on someone else. And whats worst, I don’t see any form of healing or recovery from this because so much damage is already done.

Broken-SapnaChand

Life Depends on Hope – Tribute to Aunt Gracie

I was recently contacted by Blogger Cameron Von St. James and asked to help him celebrate and spread the word about Lung Leavin’ Day Imagewhich he celebrates with his family and friends on the 2nd of February each year in honor of his wife’s journey and survival of Mesothelioma cancer. Though my blog is not about health and wellness because I am no authority on the matter, I decided to help because his request reminded me of my aunt who recently died from lung cancer.

I didn’t know my aunt very well as I only met her twice before she died. The first time I met her she was still smoking and could hardly breath. We went to the beach and she could not swim for long because her lung could not manage the pressure. All in all, it was a good day and I wished I had met her before now. I asked her about quitting smoking since things were so bad and she made the similar excuse that many others in her condition have made – its too hard.

The next time I met my aunt, she came to visit us because she wanted to see us before she could not travel anymore. This was because smoking had consumed her lungs and she was unable to even walk a short distance without resting, so you can see how flying would be a difficulty for her. While with us, she explained about her condition, at this point she was no longer smoking – this was a little over a year since I had first met her. She was a fun aunt and though she was confined to the living room chair, we still were able to enjoy her company because she told the best stories.

Admits all the joy and laughter of her presence, the gloom of her condition continually reemerged in small acts that she tried to accomplish. The house that I lived in at the time was quite small and she found it a mammoth task just to get from room to room, but what was worst, when she was to take a bath, my mom had to bathe her because she was unable to carry out what others would think is the simple act of cleansing ones self.  

I don’t know how my aunt was for the rest of her time on earth, because our family really isn’t that close but I soon found out that she had died because she was in need of a lung transplant and we all know that those aren’t readily available.

It might be unclear why I drew parallels from these two stories. The truth is, that’s the closest exposure I have had to someone diagnosed with a terminal illness. Like my aunt, many of us take our lives for granted and we do things to take us to the gates of death without considering how our departure may affect others.

The story of Heather Von St. James is quite different though.  Her illness was as a result of the love she had for her father and out of the greed of many company owners who knew the dangers of asbestos but continued to have their workers exposed to this chemical. unlike my aunt, heather was an innocent bystander in all of this, and unlike my aunt she chose to fight for her life, not only for herself but for her family and her friends and also that she could be able to spread hope and awareness to the rest of the world.

I recently learned about the effects of asbestos in a writing class that I had taken last summer. I wrote about bauxite mining because that was the closest mining industry to me, however, one of my classmates did her paper on asbestos mining and that’s when I became aware of asbestos itself and mesothelioma. I came to the realization that I was exposed to asbestos because they recently removed some that was used for roofing at my workplace. I can’t say how many times I had walked those corridors without knowing the dangers that were lurking just above my head, and I can’t say that I have not come in contact with this substance on any other occasion. What I do know is that much like myself, many persons around the world have been unknowingly exposed to asbestos and as such we are predisposed to this disease.

So, I take this opportunity to help Heather to spread hope, hope of survival,  not just for persons suffering from Mesothelioma but for all persons with chronic diseases. I also want to encourage others not immediately affected by such conditions to become aware because our boats can be tipped at anytime. Diseases  and death have no respect for any man.

Please help to spread the word and click on the links  (above) for further information about Heather and Cameron’s story.

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