Just Box her in her face

Today while I was walking to the car park coming from class, I overheard a group of boys (pre-university students) having a discussion. I really didn’t hear the whole gist of their conversation so I cant explain the genesis but what I did hear was one explaining that if a girl should say something to a guy that embarrasses him in public that his only choice would be to “box her in the face and hide away in the crowd”.
I was appalled.

None of the other members of the group rebutted him and to tell you the truth neither did I. Maybe I should have stopped and said something but I really had to leave to get to work.

But I still was concerned about what I had heard.
The most recent devastation in Jamaica is where a man beheaded his ex-girlfriend and mother of his four kids without any remorse  I am sure. These random acts of violence have been recurring in our society and they have their genesis with these little boys learning from their fathers and then growing up to teach their kids that the only way to deal with women is to “box them in the face” if their behaviour offends them.

I recently completed teaching practice as part of my studies and while at the school, I felt like I was in a war zone. .Twenty four seven, the seven graders would be at each others throats. Every single utterance warranted a  fight and their was no distinction between gender in these fights. The girls believe it or not were just as hostile towards each other and the towards the boys and vice versa. They frequently took up chars to throw at each other, rocks, the broom that swept the class room and other objects were turned into tools to inflict pain on each other.

Though I grew up in Jamaica and live here, I still was quite shocked because I have never been in an environment that displayed such hostility. Apart from the constant fighting, these kids had not a kind word for each other. They referred to each other has idiots, fools, and other derogatory names that are too lewd for my blog –  and yes these are high school students.

The incident of today reminded me of this experience and has also solidified the fact that violence against women – and men – in Jamaica will continue to be an issue for years to come because  the behaviour is continuously being instilled in the children who will grow up to reproduce what they have learned.

Too many of our children are growing up  with little of no display of or contact with  positive emotions such as love, caring, forgiveness. Too many parents are still damaging their kids by only scolding when they are wrong and not saying a kind word to them when they have done well. An even worst, too many parents are being rude to and mistreating their spouses in the presence of their kids. Too many are displaying, lauding and reinforcing negative behaviour in our children.

I have no cure for this issue and I am sure that I have nothing to say about it that has not been said already but I guess its my duty and the duty of others to spread the word.

I may not be able to help those kids that have already been marred  but I  can surely  ensure that when I have my child, I will grow a well adjusted, positive child who will hopefully bring more love and respect into the world. I would also hope that for those who have kids now, that you would look into the things that you allow your kids to be exposed to – the excessively violent movies, video games, you beating your spouses or degrading and disrespecting them, etc.

Violence like kindness is a learned behaviour so we have to display and teach what we want our kids to learn. As it is now, there is clearly an imbalance in the level of kindness versus violence that our kids and even us adults are exposed to and we really need to adjust this before we are further damned as a society.

Source: www.change.org
Source: http://www.change.org




When will the fox stop calling the grape sour?

First I must say sorry for not posting for such a long period but between work and school, we were both swamped and overwhelmed so the only time available to us was used for sleep, and we all know how important that is.

Anyway, I want to share with you my weekend experience and also to get you thoughts about the occurrence 🙂 . I went to an after work jam with my Bestie and here is how the night unfolded.

Let me say, I thought men in the professional world should at least have a little something more about them than the average man on the streets buy boy was I wrong. While I was at the party, I was mingling and getting reacquainted with persons who I’d worked with two years ago when I saw a man approaching but rather than walking around, that big blob decided to walk right between me and the person who I was talking to. If that wasn’t  bad enough, rather than saying excuse me or some other utterance of respect and grooming, he just started talking to me. Of course I didn’t hear what he said because i was focused on the conversation which I was previously engaged in.

I discovered from this irritating situation that this man is a man of authority trusted with making decisions about the country’s security. Oh, excuse me. So I guess that’s why he thought he had the authority to walk up to a total stranger and just butt into their conversation? Anyway, since I didn’t hear what he has said I asked him to repeat (not because I really wanted to hear but more so because of the environment I was in) but Mr. Man (I’ll be referring to him as such) excused himself because he was too big to repeat himself and I should have heard him when he first spoke.

No problem. I was standing in that same area for most of the time at the party because of course; we have mutual friends so from this I noticed that he looking at me quite intensely and whispering to our mutual friend – possibly about me. The music was getting good and were were ready to “shell di party” hence we decided to get something at the bar, just to help with building the party vibe.

My bestie and I, along with the mutual friend to Mr. Man, went to the bar to get the drinks. Before I knew it, Mr. Man appeared from nowhere and was right beside me. I reached for my drink and proceeded to get a cup with ice and can you believe the nerve of this Nigga? Mind you he’s a complete stranger to me but I guess his position of authority in his job was once again his point of reference in a social environment because he started playing with my drink. He moved it once and I took it and placed it in front of me and to my astonishment or maybe it was the lack of a pleasant expression on my face that encouraged him to do it again…but he did it once again.

So I left the drink and walked away. What was most appalling about this situation is that this blob was not the one buying the drink but that didn’t stop him from trying to use it as an opportunity to make a pass at me – a very poor attempt might I add. Our mutual friend soon realized that I was upset and wanted to know what was going on. At this point I decided to defuse the situation by taking the drink since my good friend was paying and the drink was in a bottle and I also used the opportunity to let him know that his friend was being a pest. It was at this point that our mutual friend informed me that “him like you man, that’s why him a gwaan so.”

We went back to our little spot, the party continued and soon we were surprised by an entourage of artists comprised of Ninja Man, Major Mackerel and some of the younger generation artists as well. The two senior artist were having a clash, much to the crowd’s delight and I decided to join in the fun. The venue wasn’t crowded so it was easy for me to find my way to the front, just a few meters away from where the artists were standing.

There I was enjoying the lyrical exchange between Ninja Man and Major Mackerel (thumbs up to them) when I heard someone shouting “Ninja, Ninja, Desmond” over and over again. Soon this same idiot was pushing against me with hands stretched out, trying to get Ninja Man’s attention.

Can you guess who the idiot was?

Yes, You guessed it, the same big blob who I refer to as Mr. Man. I was so annoyed and I said it out loud for him to hear. He stopped for a little while and before I knew it, there he was again pushing and shoving against me to get Ninja Man’s attention. Mark you, we were about 10 meters or less from away from the artists and I’m sure he could hear this man shouting his name and at no point did he make any attempt to acknowledge him.  I don’t know if he was trying to be noticed or what but my question is why would a man of his stature be putting out so much effort to be noticed by Ninja Man ? – no disrespect intended.

My level of irritation was rising much more than I wanted and so i walked away. My bestie then came over to me really upset and told me that after I walked away, Mr. Man didn’t hold back in expressing his disgust towards me in his careful selection of a few choice words… and I quote,

“a wah happen to da dutty bloodclaat ugly gal deh?”


This is who he was supposedly referring to in those terms 😦

I’m sure your shocked but I wasn’t. My bestie was so upset she wanted to leave at this point but i calmed her down and we decided to stay because we really came to support the venture. Also a group of us were planning on going club hopping after the proceedings of the after work jam concluded.

The party went on and a Deputy Commissioner arrived and my bestie and I were talking to him and a Superintendent. Guess who showed up? Right again you are. Mr. Asshole *note the status upgrade. Once  more he has managed to just worm his way into a conversation in his desperate attempt to be noticed and once again I walked away.

About half an hour later, Mr. Asshole was beside me once more, doing what you might wonder. He was attempting to apologize for what he had said because he knew that my best friend had told me what she heard him say. At this point I continued to ignore him and he finally made one intelligent choice for the night and walked away.

What I have to say about all of this is always start on a high level when you approach people because when you start on a high you can always reduce your position as the encounter gets more cozy or as you become more familiar with the person but never start on the ground with people because you will never get a chance to increase you level. Contrary to what you think, you can never wipe the slate clean. Even if you apologize, you would’ve already left a bad taste in the persons mouth and this is unforgettable. Though the person may accept your apology they will never see you more than the first impression you made.

secondly, I have already interrogated the Issue of mistakes men make in their approach towards different women (see post on Bleach-Blond-Barbie Dolls) so I’m not gonna go into it again. But I must say, If your a professional man, especially one charged with the responsibility bestowed on such an author figure such as the coot I encountered, rest assured we expect better from you. Don’t try to use your position to solicit women because not all women will respond to that and if you don’t get the grape because you were an asshole, please don’t call it sour.

To be nude or not to be nude? That is the question

So I recently accepted a friend request from a guy on Facebook. He wasn’t so hard to look at so I thought hey why not! we talked for a while in a getting to know you sense. You know the usual ASL- who remembers that? I expected him to look at my pics and as well he did. He commented on and liked a few and then I received an inbox message,  “hey, ur cute. Can I see a full body pic?” So I thought no harm in that and I sent it. His reply was  “lol. No that’s not what I meant. Can I have a nude or sexy pic?”, and I thought “oh Lord Jesus, there’s a fire” (Sweet Brown’s voice).

Like seriously, what is wrong with men these days? Before they even know basic stuff like your favorite color or something more complex like….I don’t know…”your name!!!” they want naked pics. What I have seen is that they don’t need to know your real name since they have already assumed that you go by “babe, Hun, baby, sexy or cutie” and a whole host of others…can’t remember all right now.

Sometimes I wish I was Arabic. I bet in Arabic countries men don’t ask for nude pics, they say stuff like “can you send me a pic of your face?”

I blame  western society for this!! Men only see women as sex objects and as such a woman who does not subscribe to having their unmentionables broadcast via social media are ostracized for being abnormal or “not with the time”. Is anyone else confused as I am? I’m  as confused as the theory of  dinosaurs evolving  into lizards. Are you seriously serious? What happened to the days when men were enchanted by the unknown, now everything is an open book and the challenge is that many of these men can’t read. Women are not totally blameless either, because they have no problem flaunting their God given “assets” and parading  them for the world to see.

Women please stop allowing men to treat you like objects of sex. If we don’t demand respect by how we present ourselves we will never get it. The truth is, “To be nude or not to be nude, should not be a question “