My mind is engulfed

My thoughts are devouring me

Sleep is nowhere near



Losing Focus


After 32 years of life, Cassidy dragged herself out of bed as she usually did each morning. It became harder each day for her to find the strength to  work in a job so uninspiring and sometimes unfulfilling.  This morning was particularly hard for Cassidy as lately she has been thinking about where the time had gone and how much of the wonderful dreams she had as a child had she been able to accomplish at this point. These reflections did little to motivate her but only sunk her further into the dreariness of what her life had become. Her dream of becoming a doctor was completely shattered when she carelessly  flunked her final year in pre-med school and her parents had decided not to finance her any further. Since of late the disappointment in her parent’s voice has become a resounding echo that seem to get louder and louder especially during those hours spent toiling for minimum wage which brought her no closer to her goal of becoming a doctor.  Cassidy’s greatest fear had always been to disappoint her parents  who she had become estranged from since the day the course of her future had changed.

She has not been to see her parents in five years and still cannot bring herself to go visit them because she had promised them that she would turn her life around. Also what kept her away  was the mocking look of her goody two shoes sister Molly, though Molly was younger than her, she had successfully completed her two years of pre-med school and is now in her first year of medical school. Cassidy felt that her failure was heightened when she was in the presence of her sister since everyone, especially her father, had every belief that she would have been the success of the family. Cassidy thought to herself, that possibly it was the stress of living up to everyone’s expectations that drove her to drinking in college.

She thought she could handle it, a few drinks here and there, just to take the edge of, nothing to it. But before long, Cassidy was staying out way too late partying, falling out of bed in the mornings too wasted to even go to the bathroom, let alone to attend class. She always pretended to have everything under control and promised herself that she would catch up with her classes, but before long, she had missed out on so much it was impossible for her to cover all she had missed before exams.

After sitting the finals, Cassidy knew that she was in trouble. Never before had she sat in an examination center and just looked around at everyone else working hard at their paper, having no sense of direction as to what she was going to do with her own. After handing in papers with most of the answers not completed or all together blank, Cassidy kept her growing fear to herself. She still hoped that by some miracle, she  would have been able to pass her courses, at the very least.

Even after completing the finals, Cassidy still did not inform her parents of the possibility of her failure. She was not ready to face the look on her mothers face  nor the wrath of  her father, which she was sure would be expelled.  But the day finally came when she had to face the music, she had to inform her parents of what had really gone on in the final semester.

Cassidy walked slowly into the sitting room, where her parents were anxiously awaiting the news of their daughters success at being accepted into medical school. She held the paper with the results in her hand and without uttering a word she handed it to her father. Her mother still had  a look of delight on her face which faded quickly at her fathers reaction. Cassidy had never seen her father that upset. She did not even bother to try justifying her failure. She could not admit that she had been partying and drinking because she had been warned about the dangers of losing focus in college. Telling them would have meant hurting them further and so Cassidy just stood there while her father hurled at her words expressing his displeasure. Her mother cried and Cassidy’s heart sank.

It was then that her father told her that he would no longer finance her. When she heard this she begged for his forgiveness but he stood resolute in his decision. She knew she had disappointed him in the worst way possible. Cassidy then quietly expressed acceptance of her fathers decision. She promised him that she would make him proud then she walked slowly out of the living room.