Cultivating

sick-basil-400x533

I  didn’t birth you

I picked you

There were many choices

I chose you

I nurtured and cared for you

Daily

I never asked much of you

I only wanted you to flourish

So, I encouraged you

And now

At the peak of what should be your life

You’re dead

And I’m confronted

Once more

With my inability… to sustain

The things I love

I go on.

 

 

Advertisements

When

When will we be united,

when will our souls stop feeling the loss of you,

when will you recognize that its time for you to stand up for us

when will you stop being apart of what hurts us

When will you see that together we are better than apart

when will we stop shedding tears because you keep messing with our hearts

When will we not need to be strong

When will we be able to unlaod some of the burdens

When will we be able to not demand better, but experience it

When will you recognize that we are a reflection of each other, that if you’re broken then we are also

When will we be able to recieve full comfort and support from you with all that we face

When will we recover our value and our grace

Recognizing that we are together in this space

Fighting together for the upliftment of our race

We need you, we need you to stop being part of  the reason we are broken

we need you to see each of us, whether you know us or not

as a sister, a mother or daughter – and want the best for us

We need you to get away from the promiscuity,

This was taught to you to break our family

we need our daughters and sons to see

the reflection of what our creator meant things to be

the black man together with a black woman, like yin and yan

working together, not in competition.

Let your black woman help you and show you support

Let us love you and be your mate

that’s how we started out black man

and even though it may seem so, I dont think its too late

But everytime I am hurt by another one of you

I cant help but lose faith

But I dont want it to be, black man

Because I know that there is none like you and they were wrong

I know the struggles you’ve had to bare, and I know you are strong

but the same struggles are what we share, so allow us to be there

We need each other, cause together is the only way we can answer

When?

Let when be now.

 

 

Thank you for the Loss of Sleep

you not only act like a child but you have discredited all the actions that I have taken today which to a normal, mature, well thinking individual would prove that I am taking steps that aren’t normal and are out of my way to show you how I feel. But all that is irrelevant right? Because you have decided that your ego has been hurt or bruised, by no deliberate action of mine. You eavesdrop on a conversation, take a snippet of it out of context and now I’m held in contempt. even when I have brought up several situations where you have done worst to me deliberately, you still remain dismissive. you have dismissed my feelings, you have dismissed my efforts and you have dismissed me. At the very least, even though you had no real grounds to be upset, I acknowledged your hurt, walked in your shoes, and apologized, but that wasn’t enough. You can’t fit in my shoes, because all you can see is your ego. you cant see how your histrionics have caused me hurt. no all you see is your hurt, all you can see if your self. even though I asked you not to go to bed angry at me, apologized sincerely and reassured you of my affections, I was still dismissed. I really do hope you will sleep well. Ill be losing sleep, tonight, and maybe tomorrow night, but eventually I will sleep fine.

prelude to the death of a fling

the turbulence starts

initiated by nothing

like a gentle breeze

its the calm before the storm, then

your flung into a world wind

the things that were once attractive

becomes what sets it off

your at fault in all you do

simple everyday actions take on

new interpretations

you find yourself justifying

explaining, holding back

more and more

everyday, a piece of your soul

dies, a slow death

you’ve erased so much of

who you are you?

You ask your self, as you destroy who you were

to become who he wants

but its never enough, the distance still grows

your pain is ignored, the tears flow

unnoticed, your hurt unresolved;

ricochets, inside you

with no escape,

and while you lose yourself,

you still lose what you lost you for.A81ECJ

For Inhibitions

Life has a strange way of kicking me

Every time I go against my instinct

The walls come crumbling

Happiness is just an illusion

Why do I bother to chase it?

The moment I let go of inhibitions

Take a plunge

Make the attempt, against better judgment

To live, to laugh

Life just takes over

And reminds me just how muck

It sucks

In everything, there is a time; a place

A season and a reason

Some get everything and some

Get nothing

They cycle of life continues

Just a few lines of my thoughts  written in 2 minutes and a reminder that my happiness should really solely depend on me because every time I leave it up to someone else, I always end up recovering, pulling myself out of some unnecessary trench of sorrow, pain and heartache. I’ve never disappointed myself and I have learned from  long ago that the only one I can truly depend on is myself. But like most I suffer from that one flaw that unfortunately I can’t correct…I am human.

A friend once asked me if reincarnation was real, what would I want to come back as? I said a fish and my friend got very upset, because, he thought that I was stupid to want to be a creature of chance. Just a little fish without intelligence,  a thing that can be caught in a net and just die or be eaten or something like that. Of course he forgot that there are actually bigger fishes in the sea that don’t necessarily live such a chance life, but that was irrelevant because I really wasn’t thinking of being a whale. Just a tiny fish with the entire ocean surrounding me.

My friend actually was appalled that a human being would denounced being human, the greatest thing ever invented, and choose to be an insignificant fish. But, it was much deeper than that for me. Humans believe or not are really not all that.

“Blue is the ocean
Calling me in
Calling me near
If I could only learn
To breathe down here
I know I would be
At home under the sea
Yeah” ___Leanne Rimes

This verse at that time and for many years while I was growing up spoke to me because it encapsulated my exact feeling about life as a human. And today, in a time when I was most happy, in a split second I was brought right back to this place. But hey, on the bright side, I have learned to swim and now I can actually take a real plunge in the ocean every once in a while. Come to think of it,  the ocean did play a part of what sank my happiness today, but I’m not letting that ruin the sea for me, after all, it really was an innocent bystander in the whole shebang.

I still hold steadfast to my desire to be a fish. If hurt is all I can get from humans, I’ll take my chances in the sea, second time around.

P.S. Ignore the context, focus on the art.

9d79237efa5070451602723607c95e5f

Aloha

This poem was written in hopes of being read at my wedding as a pledge to the man I thought I would be spending the rest of my life with. I later found out that everything he ever said to me was a lie – and I mean everything. However, though I will not be using this poem to pledge my love for him, I decided to share it anyway, because, though he was lying, every word of it is true and came from my heart.

I title it Aloha, because in Hawaiian, Aloha is used to express both hello and goodbye, which basically sums up the world wind of fake romance, that I recently experienced.

Here goes,

 

You engross my mind

I think of you always

like a breath of fresh air

you revitalize my heart

which has awaken from a coma

Your voice is a delight

I love your voice

when you gently whisper my name

I love the way you laugh

at the silliest of things

I think of you always

I replay our conversations

every word, every syllable inspires

a smile – hovers over my face

like clouds on a rainy day

I think of you always

you doubt I feel the way you do

but faith said go ahead

so I love you simply

because you asked me to.

 

“Love makes time pass but time makes love pass”.I have never been so badly deceived in my whole life and it will be a hell of a struggle to recover from this whole situation but it too shall pass – in time.

1974993_1463657050519808_1265671553_n
Hawaiian sunset

Does size really matter?

This topic was suggested by one of my readers as something for me to lament about. I must declare that I am no authority on the matter but there are certain things that women know and can speak of purely on the basis that they are women as there are certain qualities and feelings that are innate. So here goes my interpretation of the question –

Does size matter?  images

In every situation if there is too much or too little then that will affect how the experience is felt. If you eat too much then you will feel sick and if you eat too little, then your left wanting. In my opinion the same goes for the size of a man’s package.

Men have spent centuries convincing themselves  (with help from some women) that if they had a bigger d*&@k then they would be better men, better lovers and better at life.  But the truth is, most women are not out there looking in search of conquering the biggest d*&@k and having mind blowing sex.

Women are in search of love, stability, comfort, protection, acceptance, happiness etc, all of which has very little or nothing to do with the size of a man’s d*&@k . What women seek lies in the overall man, his character, his strengths and his weaknesses and his willingness to be both strong and vulnerable for her.

I think the size of a man’s d*&@k matters more to him than it does to a woman who is seeking love. The statement that love is blind have been proven true time and again. When a woman is in love she will do and accept and tolerate many things against her better judgement – like loving a man with a smaller or larger d*&@k than she is comfortable with  – an yes, a man’s dick can be too big!

But back to the issue at hand, a woman will accept and tolerate all your flaws  if you overall persona makes her happy, makes her want to be with you all the time, makes her life worthwhile. A woman will adapt to the man that she is comfortable and happy with. Will she admit that your d*&@k is too little or too big?  That has two answers;

If you’re too big – yes, quite easily, she will let you know.Because if a man’s dick is too big then that can cause a lot of displeasure and other issues so it is in her best interest to let him know. Why? So he can be more cautious and considerate during sex such that the encounter is not painful but pleasurable for both. Plus what man doesn’t want to hear that he is big….too big?

On the flip side, no man wants to hear that is d*&@k is small. So if a man fall in that category he probably will not hear it from his partner. However, she will try to find ways to help herself to enjoy the act of sex more and also to help him feel like he is bigger than what he is. She knows that your d*&@ks are synonymous with your egos so she will bend the truth a little or a lot and in some cases she will remain silent – well until you have that bad break- up and then the world and you will know how small it really is.

To counter this, I would encourage men to be more aware and accepting of where you fall on the spectrum so that you wont fall victim to being lied to or you wont traumatize an unsuspecting female. Once you can accept the piece that you have been dealt then you will be able to avoid the pretense and the ego trip and be more focused on making the best use of what you have, as bigger is not always better.

To answer the question, does size really matter? I say yes, yes it does. The  right size matters a great deal. I end in the words of Buju Banton, “Every hoe have them stick a bush.”

Christmas Wishes

In a perfect world we’d be together at Christmas time.

But since its not, I’ll be thinking of you just as I do so many other times.

Throughout the year I’ve visited my favourite memories,

 Wondering all the time how you’re doing?

Now I’m sending all my wishes for happiness to you during  Christmas time.

wherever you may be.

 

* this should have been a Christmas post but i was busiy driving back and forth from country and working. Hope its still enjoyable though late 🙂