Do I really need a baby ?

Funny story, my sister called me yesterday to let me know that my three year old nephew has decided that since I don’t have a baby, she should give me the one in her belly (Jamaican for stomach). Lol.  I don’t know if he is aware that the birth of his new brother or sister will require him to be a big brother hence no more babying from mommy and this is a ploy he came up with to get rid of the little bugger or he is really concerned that unlike all his other aunts, I don’t have a baby.

Though I found this really funny, and went ahead to share with a few friends, it reminded me of another similar incident. My neighbor’s three year old son also told me that he needed to buy me a baby just a couple of months ago. Can you say deja vu?  This begs the question, is my biological clock ticking that loud, or do I really need a baby?

In recent times the same issue has crossed my mind a couple of times and oh yes I would love to have a baby. I love those perfectly packaged little love bugs so much and really enjoy spending time with my baby nieces and nephews. I even will spend time with stranger’s babies, basically just about any baby who is well cared for, clean and happy – no one loves dirty squirmy babies, well except for their mothers, or do they?

Anyway, its something that I have though about and it has even inspired a couple of my recent posts  – THE HAUNTING SCARS OF MY CHILDHOOD and BUNDLE OF JOY. But in thinking about how awesome and fun babies are, except when they are sick, messy or causing sleepless nights, there is so much other aspects of this having a child business that ways heavily on the mind of anyone who doesn’t want this blessing to just fall in their lap abdomen.

Though my nephew and well meaning neighbor see that a baby can bring some joy in my life (if they were being selfless and not having ulterior motives) what they are too young to realize is that there is so much that comes with making the decision to have a child, the most basic of which is to have someone to be the father.

I don’t have anyone to be a father to my baby, whether I have one of my own, someone buys one for me or my sister leaves hers at my doorstep. I grew up with my father, and though he was not the best he could be at the whole fatherhood gig, his presence was of value to us because he made us feel safe and he also completed that family structure. He also is the example of the father that I would not want my child to have. Some people may think this harsh but the background would have to be lamented for some to understand. But I must say that my experience with him will be integral in helping me to choose a better father for my kid. Oh and not to state the obvious but I am currently single and unless God requires another virgin birth, I’m not equipped the with the second player in the baby making sport.

Secondly and on a sad note, I AM SCARED. I am scared of whether or not I will be able to make a child really happy and comfortable. Though I do not wish to grow a spoiled child, I would hope that once I cross that bridge, I’ll be able to provide the necessary comforts for a child unlike the childhood that I had, where there was a lot of making do with the little or doing without. Though I’m probably stronger for the way I grew up, I do not wish this kind of strength on my child. I want their childhood to be filled with laughter and void of worry.

My fear is heightened by the culture that has plagued us as a people, not just in Jamaica but across the globe where men tend to shun their responsibility when their children are born. So I will use this platform to warn that man who will contribute to the birth of my child – don’t try it as it will be death before dishonor – not literally but you know what I mean. This is a real concern for me and especially with the current economic state of the world, rearing children has become quite an expense and many men are hiding from it so I at least want to acquire some financial stability which may not provide everything I want for my child but will still provide all the necessities. I am currently studying and working, so I’m nowhere ready for this additional responsibility and I don’t want to be a single mother. That would not be fair to me or to the child.

Finally, time is not running out on me. Though it would be nice to have a baby and all I do is work and study which gets quite lonely sometimes and I could see where a baby could fill the void, I still have time. I have not traveled the world, had a summer rendezvous with an exotic man, been kissed in the rain or  have fulfilled any of my other crazy fantasies. I would have hoped that these would have been realized in my younger years but I’m only 26, I’m still young right?

One thing I have learned is that life doesn’t necessarily work out how you have planned it and some dreams have to be delayed. Also, there is never a right time to have a child. If I should wait until the perfect times comes about then I may as well start hoarding cats and dogs because with the many curve balls that life has to throw at us, there is no perfect time.  But I still have time – time to find a good father, time to acquire more financial independence, time to get over my fears  time to fulfill my fantasies and to have a child.

So though I am happy that these little people see the need for me to have a child, maybe its because I am so nice to them and they can see that I would make a good mother or maybe because they have their ulterior motives, like getting rid of a new baby, or getting a new play mate. The decision to have a child is not as simple as seen in the eyes of a child and should not be treated lightly. So the question remains, do I need a child? My answer is yes but not just yet.



5 thoughts on “Do I really need a baby ?

  1. I would say, you don’t need a baby, you want one. I do, too! But you are right in every point. Modern life takes away the joy of being a parent, leaving us with worries for “How will I provide for…?” Even the basic act of childbirth requires thousands of dollars! I think being scared in these circumstances is actually being reasonable and not being selfish. No man can set a perfect time for a baby. But when the child comes, it will be in just the right time!

    1. Im scared for another reason that may not be so obvious but I just don’t want to put it off by waiting for the perfect time then end up not being able to have one naturally but I do know that now is definitely not the time. There are too many details of my life to be worked out.

  2. Children are never Needs, they are Wants. And we want them when the timing is right. When we can give them our all. And you will when you can do just that.

    1. Thanks for your comment because I do look at having a baby as a need sometimes because I think that one would add more meaning and purpose to my life. Selfish, I know but I’m still grounded by the need to not just be a parent but a damn good one.

      1. I busted my butt to be a good parent to my daughter. To try and not make the mistakes my mom did. to be attentive and to teach her independence and wisdom and reliance on self.
        Having her for me was a mix of a need and a want. I wanted to be a mother with all that was in me. I needed to have a child for my step father to see me as a tainted woman instead of the virginal version he had in his damaged brain. at least that was what my young mind thought would happen.
        I never regreted that decision. Or the one to only have one child with my ex. I do regret the decision to become unable to have anymore. But sometimes those choices are taken from us for a reason. I am looking forward to grandchildren now and to devoting all of my love to them and to my darling. Life is giving us what we need not what we ask for.

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